


Wait, What?!

by ItsMeGetOverIt



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dysfunctional Family, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 19:25:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7066957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsMeGetOverIt/pseuds/ItsMeGetOverIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Oh my gawd! Don't be so disgusting Skye!" Fitz cried sounding like he might actually be sick at the non-agent's words.<br/>"What? You and Simmons would make a super cute couple! Ward, you agree, yeah?" </p><p> </p><p>Skye almost makes Fitz lose his lunch, so he and Simmons clear the air about why they should NOT date. Like EVER! Like NEVER EVER never. A crack!fic on a reason FitzSimmons would never happen- Season 1, pre-HYDRA</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wait, What?!

"Oh my gawd! Don't be so disgusting Skye!" Fitz cried sounding like he might actually be sick at the non-agent's words.

"What? You and Simmons would make a super cute couple! Ward, you agree, yeah?"

"Agree about what?" the specialist asked straddling a stool at the breakfast bar and snatching an apple out of the fruit bowl.

"To FitzSimmons hooking up, making an a-dork-able couple and making super nerdy cute babies!"

"Oh Skye stop, or Fitz really will be sick all over the kitchen," Simmons interrupted entering the kitchen. She gave her fellow scientist a gentle shove away from the fridge and took his place. "The last time someone threw that suggestion at us, along with _far_ too much descriptive details, he brought up both his lunch _and_ his breakfast."

"Oh come on, you went green too!" Fitz added.

"The last time?"

Fitz and Simmons shared a look that made the high school drop out feel like she'd just drooled on her top. Stealing a look at the other occupant of the kitchenette Skye was annoyed to see the T1000 was as impassive as ever.

"Skye, we're best friends of opposite genders and have been so for ten years," Simmons explained. "The only people who haven't thought or insinuated that we were or should be a couple are our parents, a couple of our direct superiors and the people we've dated."

"Or were wanting to date us." Fitz paused. "Except for Jenny Silver," he added almost reluctantly as an afterthought.

"My god was she an idiot. I still can't believe you actually dated her."

"I was young and she had big b-"

"And she only dated you so you would do her labs for her."

" _So_ ," Skye loudly interrupted what would not doubt have been a long babbling argument between the two, "what does that fact that you know each other freakishly well- and are _totally_ psychically linked- have to with why the thought of you two getting your freak on turn Fitz's stomach?"

"Because it's just _wrong_ and _**illegal**_!" Fitz all but yelled.

"Illegal?" Skye repeated stunned.

"I don't know about illegal," Ward finally commented actually joining the conversation. "There are rules about relationships between people who are on the same team and partners. Any agents found to be in a relationship with their partner can face a disciplinary hearing and immediate reassignment."

"Are you serious?" Skye asked looking between the three agents. "That's so messed up!"

"There's that, but Fitz wasn't talking about the anti-fraternisation protocol," Simmons calmly explained. "The thought of something sexual happening between us is… quite disturbing, to say the least."

"Nauseating is more like it!"

Simmons rolled her eyes as she placed a variety of vegetables on the bench. Fitz wordlessly handed her the knife, chopping board and bowls she would need before he set about cooking the pasta at the stovetop.

"But you got so shitty with that guy who was hitting on Simmons at the bar in Ireland," Skye pointed out.

"That's cos he was a total twat, too far below her standards," Fitz firmly stated. "I have no objection to Jemma having lovers. As long as they're intelligent enough to be able to hold a decent conversation."

"Ergh! Again, I wasn't dating him!"

"I just don't like thinking about the details or… hearing them."

"I did that one time! And- and that was completely not my fault. You told me you were out for the night; going to crash as Steve's. We agreed I was to have the apartment to myself-"

"Three times Simmons!"

"She had _very_ talented hands, okay?" Simmons snapped defensively her cheeks going a bright shade of pink. "And it's not like all your encounters in our apartment were silent either. Need I even mention Ellie from the chem labs?"

"While learning these kinds of details about your sexual history would be utterly fascinating any other time of day," Sky rested her head on the hands leaning on the bench studying the two scientist with a new perspective, "that really doesn't answer the original question. So, why do find the thought of sex with each other so repulsive?"

The two exchanged a silent conversation, ending with Simmons shrugging at Fitz.

"You explain. It was your vendetta that people not know."

Having prepped all the ingredients, she took over at the stovetop making a pasta sauce and gestured for him to go to the bench.

"Yeah," Fitz reluctantly agreed moving closer to the bench. "Umm. I don't know how to explain this. Never had to actually. Most people have just read it in our files."

"You hacked and deleted that from your file in 11, remember?" Simmons called not even turning from her sauce.

"Oh, yeah. Shite! May and Coulson probably don't even know. Why would they have looked at our files before then?"

Fitz paled and looked over to his partner, fear starting to enter his eyes. Obviously either hearing the tone, or just sensing his distress, Simmons turned and placed a comforting hand on Fitz's shoulder.

"Calm down Fitz. You might get in trouble for the hack, but they won't separate us. Weaver knows the truth, and she was the one who _recommended_ we be partnered. We won't be separated."

"Sheesh," Skye exclaimed breaking the tension with a light-hearted laugh. "What's got you so scared? Is it really a court martial offense? "

"Who's getting court martialled?" Coulson asked lightly, taking the stool between Skye and Ward at the breakfast bar.

"No one," Simmons answered quickly and firmly. "The worst that could possibly be handed over is a formal reprimand and a fine that wouldn't make any real dent in your bank account Fitz. Oh and the file would have to be corrected, obviously."

Picking up that this wasn't just a joke Coulson looked between the two scientists. "Okay, what's really going on?"

"Fitz is about to confess what he did to his personnel file that would show why it would be illegal for him to get intimately involved with Simmons," May answered from the doorway.

The three youngest people on the BUS jumped at her words. None of them had noticed her arrival or how long she'd been listening to their conversation.

Fitz's face became tomato red as he looked around at the people he thought of as his family away from family.

How was to explain this to them? Explain his reasoning?

"I … I er deleted something from my personnel file."

"What?" Coulson asked, his eyes indicating he might know what he'd removed. "And how does that involve Simmons?"

The look didn't comfort Fitz, instead it made him more nervous.

"It… It was… It showed… Ah, reveals. It reveals-"

"He's my brother from another mother," Simmons jumped in coming to his assistance.

She'd placed the stovetop on low while he'd struggled through his explanation. She stood beside him, her hand back on his shoulder. She gave it a supportive squeeze, reminding him she was there with him. His shoulders relaxed under her hand.

"She's my sister from the same mister," he said a smile crossing his face.

Silence fell on the kitchenette as the team digested the scientists' words.

"Wait, what?" Skye asked looking between them confused.

May stepped fully into the room her arms unfolded as she asked, "You're siblings?"

"Yes," Simmons beamed. "Well, half-siblings, but still yes."

"We share the same arsehole of a sperm donor father," Fitz scowled with a nod.

"A bit harsh on your old man, don't you think?" Ward commented.

"Harsh, but accurate," Simmons agreed her smile disappearing.

"But-but you're born like 20-something _days_ apart," Skye pressed.

"Yeah, like I said; arsehole."

"He couldn't stay faithful to my mother if his life depended on it."

"As further proven by our eight other half-siblings."

"Nine," Simmons corrected. The two sibling exchanged a long look. "He's still our brother."

"Yeah, well, he'd still be _alive_ if that wanker had just gotten off his arse and thought of someone else for more than two seconds!" Fitz snapped, anger radiating off him.

"I agree, but dead or alive Ben was still our brother."

"Yeah," the anger drained from Fitz, "he was." He corrected himself bitterly, "As proven by our nine other siblings."

"So," Coulson began, his voice completely serious, "you deleted the name of your father from your personnel file?"

"Yes sir," Fitz answered unflinching.

"But he did so while inebriated and still very much in the grieving process," Simmons jumped to her brother's defence again.

"Altering personnel files is a serious offense, as you are perfectly aware, Agent Simmons. This cannot just be ignored. SHIELD keeps these records for a reason."

"With all due respect sir, it hasn't meant anything. He is nothing more than just a name to either of us," Simmons continued defensively. " _I_ don't even go by his name. He means nothing. We don't even know if he's dead or alive."

"Not that I really care, but he is alive. At least he was two months ago." Fitz saw Simmons throw him a questioning glace. "He tried to blackmail Fabio into giving him money. Said there was no way an 'orphan' boy like him could afford to go the university he does _legitimately_."

"Did Fabio send him to the nearest emergency room?" Simmons asked, her face darkening. "If he's going around throwing those kinds of accusations about he might not still be alive."

"Fab didn't touch him. Said he told him that just cos _he_ abandons family doesn't mean everyone does. Invited him to go to the police, there is nothing to be found, everything with Fab's tuition is 100% above board. Apparently he sulked off when he realised he had nothing over him. After I spoke to Fab I sent an email to the others and none of them had-"

"Guys," Coulson interrupted. "This is exactly the kind of details SHIELD looks into when they're recruiting agents; when they're looking to assigning missions. To keep that from us…" Coulson shook his head. "You know how big this is."

"It was in my file when I was recruited," Fitz stated firmly. "Like Jemma said, I only did it when I was a bit drunk and grieving and very angry. The information hasn't effected anything since then because if Simmons was cleared, then I would be too. And the only assignment I've been on without her was Odessa. Who my biological father is had absolutely no bearing on any aspect of that."

Silence fell over the team as they looked between the engineer and their CO.

"I have a question," Skye broke the tense quiet, raising her hand like she was in a classroom, "well, more like a million questions- which I will be pinning you _both_ down to thoroughly quiz you over later- but there's one main one that jumps out at me-"

"What happened in 2011?" Ward finished for her.

"No, actually, I was gonna say; you hacked into your personnel files while drunk?"

"I'll have you know I'm perfectly capable of completing a hack," Fitz snapped at Skye. "I may not be as quick to get into systems as you, but I am still perfectly capable."

" ** _I_** want know what happened in 2011," Coulson interrupted giving his agent a look that let him know this wasn't a friendly request. "What happened that made you think that was a good idea?"

Fitz and Simmons exchanged a long glance and a silent conversation. Fitz nodded and Simmons cleared her throat, clearly going to take the lead in this explanation.

"Our brother who died… Ben, he had cancer. Our father _refused_ to be tested for bone marrow compatibility. Ben was 15 and… and he was gifted, like Fitz and I. He was all set to be another prodigy until-"

"Until his diagnosis. None of us were compatible. Close, but not enough for the doctors to go ahead. All indications and preliminary tests showed **_he_** would have. But he refused. _Wanker_."

"After Ben's funeral we both had a bit of difficulty adapting back into our work. One too many drinks one night and… well, it seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time."

"But just Fitz's? You didn't delete him from your file too?" Ward asked looking at Simmons.

"We would have, but for Fitz's it was just his birth certificate. It was easier. Mine it was more complicated; birth certificate, visitation stipulations after the divorce, parental consent for legal adoption and name change. It was more of a headache than we could sort through at that time and in the state we were in."

"Not to say I couldn't have-"

Fitz faded off on his explanation at the look Coulson was giving his two scientist. Coulson stood and they looked to him with baited breath.

"Correct your file before the day is over and we won't need to even _think_ about this it again," Coulson said simply.

He took an apple from the bowl and patted his elder scientist on the shoulder letting him know everything was okay between them. Turning he returned to his office without saying another word to any of his agents.

The sibling let out a long relieved sigh. Returning her attention to the sauce cooking, Simmons saw that May had disappeared from the doorway again.

"Sooooo," Skye began, with a large grin on her face looking between the two scientists. "Can I now grill you both with like a gazillion questions?"

"As long as they're not anything sexual that's likely to turn me off the food Jemma is cooking right now."

"That story from earlier then is…"

"Off limits," Fitz said going pale.

At the same time and behind him Simmons grinned over at her friend mouthing, 'Later.'

"Do you really find it _that_ disgusting?" Ward asked giving the other man a long look of disbelief.

"You have a sister Ward?"

"Yeah."

"You ever want to listen her having sex? Listen to people describe how 'clearly compatible' the two of you are; so you _must_ want to have sex with her? Or hear how many different way she can say someone's name? _Or_ the many different ways people say _her_ name?"

Ward's face went carefully blank.

"Point made."

"Quit being overbearing and eat your lunch Fitz," Simmons ordered placing a plate filled with pasta in front him.

"Thanks sis," he said giving her a kiss on the cheek as she passed.

Simmons just rolled her eyes.

"And don't try to skip out on those vegetables."

This time it was Fitz's turn to roll his eyes.

"So," Skye interrupted with a clap. "I was wondering…"

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story that just wouldn't leave me alone till it was on the screen. Or page actually in this case. It was haunting my thoughts so much that the first draft was physically written out with like pen and paper and everything. Which is so very strange for me because I get the most creative when in front of a keyboard. And this is a total crack!fic. Just a bit of silly that my mind took a bit seriously, but is mainly silly.  
> It was inspired when I heard in an interview that Henstidge and De Caestecker actually thought at the start of season one that they were siblings (or just had a relationship like that)… and then I had to think of a reason siblings would have such different accents. Because honestly there is no real way they could have grown up together and speak like they do. (Yes they have similar ways of speaking-which comes from familiarity of each other-, but their pronouncements are too different- Scotland and Yorkshire are close, but still totally different!)  
> And finally, this story is crack because FitzSimmons OTP all the freakin way!  
> Please let me know if you think they're too OOC in this. I am still getting my footing in the AoS universe and so much of their characterisation is all dependant on what's recently happened to them that would make them do things in a particular way and makes writing so much harder. So, please let me know how I've done with this.


End file.
